Hi there,

I’ve become very passionate about how couples and families cope when an unexpected medical illness hits. After a diagnosis, the family is forced to adapt and often times relationships shift as new priorities, boundaries, and coping strategies are used. It can be a debilitating time of stress, anxiety, sadness, anger, and confusion and working with a couples and family therapist can provide the validation and insight that most families need.

If a loved one has become ill, please reach out for support and tools for navigating this difficult time. You don’t have to go through this alone!

Many times people fear change because we focus on what we need to give up, or what will be lost. This is a universal experience that pops up in individual, couple, and marital counseling. But, change is also an amazing opportunity … after the chaos settles and if you use it well.

Change has the remarkable ability to open our hearts, gain insightful awareness, examine ourselves, and force us to either shut down in fear, or, look for the positive over which we can’t control. We get to practice mental flexibility and our ideas of what we think relationships or life should be.

With some of the couples in therapy, letting go of assumptions about what the relationship ‘should’ look like is a task. In our society it is so easy to become bogged down in what is ‘normal’ and ‘healthy’ when it comes to communication, sex, etc. Individual, couples, and marriage counseling is a wonderful tool for untangling the assumptions and expectations that can guide our emotions and our relationships if left unchecked.

If you are in the midst of a change cycle in your life or relationships, and wish to learn more about finding peace through change, contact us today.

Hi All,

It’s been a roller-coaster year! Since January, my father was diagnosed with cancer and to date has had one surgery, a round of chemo, a round of radiation, and two other hospital stays. At times it’s been a tremendously stressful and confusing experience, at others I’ve felt our relationship grow closer. The waves illness makes across a family can not be overestimated and something that I want to write about in the near future.

My father’s diagnosis created an opportunity and a urgency to reflect on how my life is lived, what I’ve been overlooking, how I’ve been ‘slipping’ and how I prefer to create my present and my future. I guess my level of awareness and consciousness increased as existential questions took shape.

You may know that my husband is the mastermind behind The Barkan Method of Hot Yoga. An incredible world-traveler and yoga teacher, we just returned from his 18th year doing a retreat in Costa Rica. The power of retreat … to literally stand back, to soften and find peace, to breathe into the tight places, experience beauty and see life with a broader perspective. I tapped into feeling healthier, eating healthier, thinking healthier once I was able to step outside of my daily life.

The implication this has for my relationships is that as we relax, give ourselves permission to step back from worrying, our relational ‘space’ expands and changes. If our space is a garden, retreat has the power to water and flourish that which has been overlooked.

Marriage/Couples Retreats can have a significant impact on one’s life and my goal is to create an opportunity for couples to retreat…to find their connection again, strengthen the connection they do have, shift perspective of their partner and relationship, find mental and emotional peace, and enhance the quality of the experience of marriage. More information will be provided once a location, time, and date has established.

The couples I work with sometimes start therapy with relationship fatigue. One or both partners may express feeling ‘so tired’ of talking, frustrated with not seeing their efforts pay off, difficulty viewing the situation through the partner’s eyes, and a malaise that nothing they now do will matter. However many times this couple isn’t really talking about their problem – what I mean is that they’ve spent a lot of time talking through the details of the situation, probably analyzing each other’s behavior, without really listening to the emotion simmering beneath the words. Experiences that provoke a feeling of abandonment, lack of connection, or personal failure are so difficult to stay with and speaking about the grief and sadness can make one quite vulnerable, especially with someone you may or may not fully trust with your feelings at this point.

Working with couples who are familiar with this emotional space requires creating a safe holding environment within the therapy room. Establishing a sense of trust and safety in the therapy process is the first step moving forward. This is very important and must happen if you are to have the most successful therapy experience. While you’ll spend time in counseling reviewing the details of your situation with the counselor, one of the next steps will be a shift into the process…or cycle in your relationship. It tends to take some time to fully discover the unique way that the communication works in the relationship, but once this is uncovered a breakthrough in understanding and compassion will begin to heal your relationship in ways you might have through impossible.

Contact The Center of Connected Living-Fl today, downtown Ft Lauderdale, 33301, to schedule your session and revive your relationship!

I prefer the idea of setting and focusing on our intentions rather than resolutions. Intentions seem to frame our interests and goals in a positive, forward-moving direction while resolutions seem to suggest we are attempting to address a negative in our life by making a decision to not repeat past unwelcome behavior. For example, I intend to devote more time to reading for both fun and work each week. I can easily look at my calendar and insert time for my intention. With a resolution, my self-talk may sound like this; ‘I didn’t make enough time for reading last year, and it’s important, so I should make sure I read more this year.’ A resolution is easily connected to a previous lack.

An intention is powerful, especially when written on paper and reviewed every day, several times a day. What we focus on expands and we often spend our days running around with ideas circling in our minds wildly. Settling down and focusing on our intentions increases our success!

Intentions can be a part of any therapy, and definitely couples counseling. Changing habits and behavior starts with our thinking. Setting detailed goals for our relationship, and outlining clear steps on how to move forward is a great task for couples. Often the changes we wish to see are intangible and subjective and putting it onto paper helps to clarify where we are and where we wish to go.

I encourage all couples to begin to talk about a vision for the future, areas of growth and concern, and setting intentions for how to create the best future possible. It’s so easy to get stuck in a problem-focus view — try shifting to expanding on creating the next best year of your relationship! We can help with this and is something easily integrated into our couples and marital counseling, along with individual therapy.

There’s Always Gratitude – A Special Contribution By Valerie Peralta. Happy Holidays!

The holiday season, with all of its joy and festivity, can be hard when you’re in relationship that is difficult or going through tough times. Everyone around you, it seems, is full of cheer while you’re in pain. Maybe you’re looking for ways to fix things but just don’t know how.

In couples therapy I work with clients to stop focusing on what’s not going right. Rather than replaying in your mind what he didn’t do or what she said this holiday season, try:

• Keeping a journal of the positive things he or she says and does each day;
• Enjoying an event together as a couple that interests you both;
• Reading about and practicing habits of healthy couples, such as sharing appreciation for each other, showing warm and kindness, and acknowledging your spouse’s efforts.

And remember, despite the relationship not being perfect, there’s always something to be grateful for about your partner.

To learn more ways to cultivate gratitude in your relationship through couples counseling, contact the Center of Connected Living-FL through the email box on this site or by calling 954-253-0985.

I spend time in session often discussing how caring for ourselves can jump start a plateau in any relationship. This is different for everyone , but most often includes establishing ourselves and our health – emotional, physical and spiritual – as a priority. However, as most of us experience, the holidays bring with them a lack of time, competing demands and obligations, social events, school events, and more, that can make it extremely difficult to stay focused. So, how do couples take care of the relationship during the holiday season so that the connection stays strong?

One of the best methods for staying connected in a marriage or relationship during the holidays is to develop a sense of tradition. Family traditions bring people together and create a sense of belonging… after all, it’s something that is unique to you!

Taking extra time to appreciate and comment on the little (and big!) things your partner is doing. Saying thank you and showing attention to our partner goes a long way.

Talk together as a team about how you want to handle certain stressors ahead of time. Being prepared and on the same side creates a mental and emotional connection.

Finally, make time to touch! Affection is extremely important to showing our partner how we feel about them…that they are important to us. Touch decreases tension, helps us to relax, and literally sends off hormones to help combat stress.

Whether you are married or coupled these tips will help re-focus attention onto what is most important during the holiday season. If you or someone you know are interested in working together to build unique tools for your relationship, you can contact us using the email box or by calling 954-253-0985.