What to Expect: The First Couples Counseling Session

I know all too well how difficult it can be to make the decision to seek couples counseling. If we aren’t careful, we can allow months or even years of petty arguments to accumulate before working up the courage to make an appointment. The truth is, relationships are hard work! Having a qualified couple’s counselor to help you and your partner along the way is the first step in building a happier healthier dynamic. But what can you expect from your first session?

Couples Therapy Sessions are Quicker than You Think

Each therapy session is normally around 60 minutes; however, you can even schedule a 90-minute session, if you’d like. That way, each partner gets 30 minutes of alone time, where just you and I chat and get to know each other. Then, for the last 30 minutes, we all meet together. It’s a win-win option; each person feels “heard” and there’s still enough time to do some teamwork as well.

Whether you choose 60 or 90 minute sessions, take it from me, the first session always flies by! My new clients are always shocked when it’s time to wrap up. Which makes sense! We jam a lot into each session.

Will there be homework?

Short answer, YES! But it’s not anywhere near what you were used to back in school. As much as I would love to be able to tell you we can fix all of your relationship issues in just 60 minutes, that just isn’t realistic! Learning to love yourself and others, can take time. The most successful couples are the ones that are ready to commit! It’s not only about showing up every week with your partner, but there’s also the daily dedication to positive long-lasting changes.

For example, during our couples counseling session we may discover that you are struggling with feelings of self-acceptance. Your homework for this week may be to start off each morning writing down 3 things you’re grateful for in your very own “Gratitude Journal.” I’ve even recommended books for couples to read in order to strengthen their relationship.

For some reason, relationships tend to bring out the best and the worst in our partners, and ourselves. Many of us have been tricked into believing that if we could just find the “perfect partner,” then all of our problems will be instantly solved! The truth is, try as we might, it’s impossible to unconditionally love and accept our partner if we can’t even love and accept ourselves. That’s why this month we are focusing on the power of practicing radical self-acceptance of ourselves and others.

What is Self-Acceptance?

When it comes to relationships, we all bring our own baggage to the table. I like to think of self-acceptance as a keen awareness of your own set of emotional or mental “luggage” we lug around. It’s not only about celebrating your strengths but also about embracing your weaknesses, too.

Ultimately, self-acceptance is both a journey and a process. The final destination is simply the ability to accept who you are. Not what you who think you should be. Not who your parents think you should be. And not even who your partner thinks you should be.

It’s a deliberate and bold choice to be at peace and in love with every part of your life; the highlights and the bloopers.

How Can a Lack of Self-Acceptance destroy your relationship?

We all have parts of us that are easier to love than others. It can be tough to unearth our “ugly” side. We often associate negative emotions, like shame and guilt to our imperfect parts. Eventually, we build up a coping mechanism of essentially ignoring and rejecting ourselves. The irony is, no matter how deep you may bury parts of you, they never truly disappear. In fact. Those very issues end up bubbling up and begin to erode the foundations of your relationship.

A lack of self-acceptance, or self-esteem, can cause your mind to play self-sabotaging tricks on you and your relationship. It can cause you to not believe or even hear the many kind and loving words your partner showers you with on a daily basis. It’s almost as if our brain decides, “I am not worthy of love,” and you begin to reject the love from others, in the same way you reject parts of yourself.

This is a dangerous cycle that can lead to the eventual demise of even the most promising relationships, if we aren’t careful.

What should I do?

If you’re struggling with self-acceptance or fear that it’s ruining your relationship, we can help! Many people don’t even realize that couples and individual therapy are the perfect place to start battling our personal demons. At our office, we give you the tools to start loving and trusting yourself as well as healing and spreading that acceptance to others.

We talk about the real issues, and provide real solutions so you can have a happier and healthier relationship with yourself first as well as your partner. If you want to find out more about couples counseling, call today and set up a free consultation with us! You can even use our calendar to schedule a free consultation online. We are here to help.

There is an art and science to experience successful couples therapy. First, the relationship between you and your couples counselor is extremely important and significantly contributes to the outcome. Clients should be able to trust their therapist, feel safe in the therapy room, and feel confident that the therapist will handle whatever arises. Working to integrate therapy effects, tools, and insights, into daily life is remarkably important for successful couples therapy as well. Only so much can be accomplished within an hour and the rest of the work begins between sessions.

Faith in the therapeutic process facilitates a successful experience. Some therapy sessions will be easier than others. Talking about feelings and relationships can be painful and create strong emotions. Faith supports getting through the difficult times.

Setting goals during the first few sessions and working toward these helps to mark progress. It will be exciting as you move closer to success!

Finally, when you have a question, or concern, tell your therapist! Processing this within the therapist-client relationship is helpful to keep your couples therapy on track.

The Importance of Pre-Marital Counseling

Joining together in a marriage can be challenging for any couple. Before marriage, we tend to have this idea that life will be pure bliss once we are married. However, marriage does not equal a great relationship. Here are a few tips that can help you build and maintain a wonderful marriage.

Focus on Building Good Communication Skills

Communication is one of the biggest challenges that a majority of couples face, same-sex couples and heterosexual couples alike. You will be on your way to a great marriage if you can master clear and open communication with each other. We offer tips and tools for connecting with each other through ‘thick-and-thin’.

Set Boundaries and Talk About Expectations

The best time to establish boundaries for your marriage is before you get married. Talk about the role extended family plays in your lives. How are you going to spend the holidays? Who is going to be responsible for dinner, cleaning the house, or paying the bills? Do you need time to decompress when you get home from work each day? These are all important things to discuss.

Be Careful What You Share with Friends and Family

Talking to your friends and family about problems in your marriage is not the same as couples counseling with a professional. Determine what types of topics are ok to talk to others about and what is not. You both need to agree on this or one spouse will end up feeling disrespected.

Please contact us today for more information about our pre-marital counseling sessions. Each couple is unique and our sessions are tailored to meet the needs of each couple we work with!

Couples Counseling Can Help Save Your Relationship

Relationships can be hard! However, people tend to keep to themselves when struggling, and this takes a toll on one’s mental, emotional, and often physical, health. In an ideal world, couples participate in couples counseling prior to the point when one or both may be considering leaving the relationship. Preventative maintenance on anything, including relationships, is always easier than repairing once it’s broken. Here are 4 ways couples counseling has proven to help couples in distress.

Address The Underlying Issues

Typically, when a couple arrives at counseling, the original problem has evolved into additional issues. When this happens it becomes difficult to discern the underlying emotional issue. Sessions with a skilled marriage and couples therapist helps the couple to discover, in a safe place, the wounds and stuck places.

Improves Communication

Communication is critical in a relationship. When a couple lacks the communication skills they need it can lead to anger, fights, misunderstanding, and withdrawal. When two people are unable to communicate effectively, many unresolved disagreements tend to resurface time and time again. Couples counseling can help you learn the skills needed to improve your communication and your relationship.

Couples Reconnect

Many people think that couples only go to counseling if they are fighting a lot, but that isn’t necessarily true. Therapists can also help those couples that have drifted apart. They are living together, but perhaps coexisting together instead of living life together. Things aren’t necessarily “bad”, but they aren’t good either. The busyness of life can make it easy for spouses to lose touch with each other. While this might not seem like a worse case scenario, it is a sign of emotional disconnection. Couples counseling can help identify the cycle of disconnection and offer solutions for re-building intimacy.

Build Upon Your Strengths

Couples counseling is not just about focusing on the things that are wrong in a relationship. Counseling also helps find the things that you are doing right! It’s important to focus on these areas and not just the negative ones. However, when you are caught up in what might feel like a hopeless situation it is difficult to take our attention off the negative. However, the good things are going to be the things that keep you motivated to work through the hard times and situations.

Experience how marriage and couples counseling can improve or save your marriage and start today!

Hi All,

It’s been on my mind to blog for several months, but I’ve kept putting it off. It’s been on ‘the’ to-do list forever, yet I couldn’t quite get moving on that list fast enough. You see, I lost my father this year at the age of 64. He told me and my 3 brothers on January 2, 2017 that he had cancer, a type of leukemia that is common among adults and a more easily treatable cancer, but on July 6th, 2017 he passed away.

I spent time each month traveling from Florida to New York to be with him, to help with daily tasks, drive to doctor appointments, sit with him during chemo, visit during hospital stays which unfortunately became monthly, but also so I could be closer to my family for personal support. You can understand how the rest of my life took a pause while the roller-coaster of cancer took ahold of my family.

The grief and anguish rolls through without much warning, and thoughts of what happened can easily sap away focus and attention. The sadness hangs out around my heart as a subtle reminder of all my family has lost and continues to process.

I KNOW that I’m only one of millions who has lost a parent, and my situation is hardly unique, yet pain is pain no matter the intellectual reminders. The grief we feel is as unique as the relationship we had with the deceased.

I’m softening the professional-personal boundaries in this post for many reasons but mostly with the intention of connecting with those who are suffering loss (any type of loss), and continue to struggle with grief. Luckily, I have the advantage of being a Grief Recovery Counselor, and have some knowledge of the actions to take in relation to my grief, but we tend to not have a framework to guide us. I can provide that support and structure for you, and walk with you through the steps to recovery, not only from the loss, but from the feelings of grief.

Please be in touch if you or someone you know is struggling with loss. It is never too late, nor too soon, to become familiar with the steps toward recovery. With great compassion, Corinne