Myths about Marriage!!

The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, J. Gottman, 1999.

• You can save your marriage by learning to communicate more sensitively! Even happily married couples can have screaming matches – loud arguments don’t necessarily harm a marriage…
• Neuroses or personality problems ruin marriages! We all have our ‘crazy’ buttons…a happy marriage isn’t about having a ‘normal’ personality, but finding someone with whom you mesh…
• Common interests keep you together! This depends on how you act while engaging in these activities…
• You scratch my back and…[A quid pro quo arrangement] It is in the unhappy marriage where the partners feel they have to maintain a tally of what one does for the other…
• Avoiding conflict will ruin your marriage. This is not necessarily true – what’s important is finding a style thatworks for both people…
• Affairs are the root cause of divorce. In most cases it is the problems within the marriage that send one or both partners looking for an outside intimate connection. Affairs are usually not about sex but friendship, caring, attention, support and respect-things that the marriage is supposed to provide.
• Men are not biologically built for marriage. The frequency of affairs does not depend on gender as much as opportunity…
• Men and women are from different planets! Gender differences may contribute to problems but they don’t necessarily cause them…

More Myths about Marriage… Marriage Myths: Marital Myths Can Hurt Your Marriage, www.marriage.about.com

Conflict is inevitable, but combat is optional – Max Lucado

The couples I see everyday tend to be dealing with more than small nagging things, although research says we do this at least 312 times a year! This seems to suggest that we may have small interactions with our partner most days. The conflicts I’m referring to are the ones that seem perpetual and by the time couples appear in therapy they are playing out a well-rehearsed dance around the issue hoping for some resolution. But they just don’t know how to get there.

*Just because two people fight doesn’t mean they don’t love each other*

– The Good Fight – How Conflict Can Bring You Closer, Drs. Les & Leslie Parrott

NY Times Best-Selling Authors

It’s tough to remember and feel the love in the midst of an argument, however many couples tell me that they’ve never felt closer after a ‘good’ fight. What’s a good fight look like? Well, this is the discussion of many couples therapy sessions, but you can get started with the book by the Parrotts. Curious about applying these ideas to the personal dynamics in your marriage or relationship? Or know of a friend who could use some support? Contact me today!

Dr. Corinne Scholtz is a well-known marriage and family therapist in the Ft Lauderdale area. Her expertise is helping couples find hope that things can be different, and then offering thoughtful ways of shifting the conversation between the two.

Everyday couples come to therapy with symptoms of an emotional disconnection from each other. The symptoms can take the form of arguing, withdrawal, defensiveness, blame, avoidance of difficult conversations, and more. One goal of the therapy is to build a sense of emotional safety and many times working with a therapist is crucial to do this. It’s the therapist’s job to create a crucible, or container, for each partners’s emotions and be able to hold them without judgement, criticism, and blame.

Dr. Sue Johnson, creator of emotionally-focused couples therapy believes that when we become disconnected one of two things will happen. A person may;

Become demanding or clingy trying to get reassurance and comfort from their loved one.

The message is “I need you. Be with me.” OR

Detach and withdraw in a move to protect and comfort ourselves.

The message is “I will protect myself. I won’t let you hurt me. I will stay in control.”

I believe that we all want to feel connected to our partner. You want to feel like you are being heard and that your loved one is there for you. There are actions that you can incorporate within your relationship to nurture that emotional connection that you so want, and couples counseling is one of the fastest ways to heal. Here are three ways Dr. Johnson suggests:

• A = Accessibility This is about you being there for each other as a couple. This would be physically and emotionally. It means being willing to be open and share your feelings. You share and listen on a deeper level with one another. During a couples counseling session we’ll practice skills to really listen in a way that your partner wants to share feelings!
• R = Responsiveness You respond to your partner or spouse’s signals that they need you. When there is a fight or disagreement you make it clear you want to resolve the issue. You are there when your partner or spouse is feeling anxious. You create a feeling of safety with each other. Couples Therapy will teach you ways of communicating and developing this in your relationship.
• E = Engagement You are emotionally engaged with each other in a positive way. You feel safe enough with each other to talk about anything. You care about each other’s feelings and well-being. There is a sense of connection even when you are not physically with each other.

For help shifting the energy between you and your partner, contact me today to schedule a free phone consultation or schedule a couples counseling session.

#marriagecounseling#couplescounseling#couplestherapy#33301#FtLauderdale

Dr. Corinne Scholtz is currently accepting new clients and offers knowledgable, skilled, and solution-focused marital and couples counseling. Contact her today for your free phone consultation and to schedule your appointment.

Our Mind & Body in Relationship

How we perceive and think about our bodies sincerely impacts the quality of a couple’s relationship. It’s common to compare ourselves to an ideal version of ourselves. Keep in mind that ‘comparison’ is one of the top 10 ‘mind traps’…that is, it’s a very common, subtle mental pattern that creates internal conflict. Many of us will sum up our current image as negative in many ways and compare this image to one when we were more fit, more toned, younger and thinner. In a marriage, or intimate relationship, not feeling good about ourselves can influence our sex life, our relationship to money, social activities, communicating clearly to our partner, and daily choices. Self-esteem about our body radiates either positive or negative energy and affects everything we do!

So, do you like what you see in the mirror?

Do you have unrealistic expectations vs. goals to help you meet your preferred body image?

The Mayo Clinic Diet offers 6 tips to loving your body more…integrating even one can begin to shift your experience!

Recognize that you are more than your body. Write a list of your strengths and best features, and add to it often.

Make a list of people you admire — from your parents or children to political leaders or world figures. Do they have perfect bodies? Does it matter? Or are there other characteristics you admire in them? You probably have some of these same characteristics, so give yourself credit for them.

Exercise regularly. You’ll tone your body and boost your self-esteem. In fact, a study showed that women who worked out on a regular basis rated their bodies as more attractive and healthier than did women who weren’t as physically active.

Appreciate the body you have. Think of it as a gift. Recognize all the things your body can do. Show it some respect by eating well and getting enough rest.

Focus on your health instead of thinking only about your appearance. If you’d like a healthier body shape or weight, set small, realistic goals and work to meet them.

Surround yourself with friends who don’t focus on body size or appearance. Encourage one another to focus on healthy habits instead of appearance.

If you feel that body image and self-esteem are playing a role in your marriage, or affecting the relationship you have with yourself, contact us today about making an appointment.

Dr. Corinne Scholtz is a marriage and family therapist in private practice in Ft Lauderdale, 33301. She sees people everyday who want to feel better about themselves and their relationships. For more info visit her website at https://www.connectedliving-fl.com/.

If you have been married for years, or are soon to be newlyweds, have you ever thought about coming to The Center of Connected Living to talk with our marriage counseling therapist, Dr. Corinne Scholtz? There are many different reasons a couple could benefit from our therapist in Fort Lauderdale, Florida 33301; we are here to give you these reasons! Let’s get started.

Unfortunately, no marriage is immune to divorce and it is your job as a couple to talk and work the issues out for yourselves, and if you aren’t sure how to do that, premarital counseling is a must. You will not only gain foresight on marriage, but you will be able to benefit from the wisdom and advice from therapists who concentrate on marriage. Support and advice may seem easy to find, but to find someone who has an unbiased opinion is more difficult than you may think. In our eyes, and many of our client’s eyes, it is much better to seek premarital therapy than postmarital. You are more likely to sort out all of the disagreements you may have with each other, opinions or important decisions before you make the biggest commitment of your life.

Though these are only a few reasons and benefits of making a marriage counseling appointment in Ft. Lauderdale, we are sure you will experience many more. Check back next month for more advice and benefits on the topic of marriage from our therapist in 33301.