Why mixed emotions are normal and how to make space for what matters most

The holiday season has a way of stirring things up inside us.

For some, this time of year feels cozy and connective. For others, it brings stress, pressure, grief, or complicated family dynamics. And for many people, it’s all of the above, a full spectrum of emotions happening at the same time.

If you’re someone who feels both grateful and overwhelmed… joyful and irritated… hopeful and anxious, you’re not doing the holidays wrong. You’re having a very human experience.

As a individual and relationship therapist who works closely with people navigating stress, anxiety, relationship challenges, and the emotional aftermath of difficult years, I want you to hear this clearly:

Mixed feelings during the holidays are normal. And they deserve compassion, not criticism.

In this post, we’ll explore how to soften into the present moment, how to hold both gratitude and stress at once, and how to create space for small moments of joy without ignoring or suppressing what’s hard.

Why the Holidays Can Feel So Emotionally Heavy

The holiday season activates many layers of our emotional world:

• Family expectations

• Financial pressure or overspending stress

• Memories of loss or longing

• Sensory overload and social commitments

• Anxiety about gatherings or relationship dynamics

• Loneliness, even when we’re surrounded by people

When we expect ourselves to feel only grateful or only joyful, we unintentionally set ourselves up to feel like we’re falling short.

But the truth is: gratitude does not cancel out stress. Joy does not erase sadness. We can feel both at the same time.

This is part of what mental health professionals call emotional complexity and it’s a sign of growth, not failure.

A Mindset Shift: Letting Yourself Feel “Both/And”

Instead of trying to force yourself into holiday cheer, try welcoming the full range of your experience.

You might try saying to yourself:

• “I can feel grateful for what I have and still find this season difficult.”

• “I can love parts of this holiday and also want some space from it.”

• “I can appreciate moments of joy even when stress is present.”

This “both/and mindset” helps regulate the nervous system. It reduces self-judgment. And it creates more room to be present with what’s actually happening inside and around you.

Simple Ways to Ground Yourself in the Present Moment

Here are a few gentle practices that help you stay centered during stressful holiday moments:

1. Pause and take one slow breath.

Just one. A long inhale, a longer exhale. This supports your parasympathetic nervous system - your body’s calming response.

2. Name what you’re feeling.

Try choosing one word that fits: tense, hopeful, tired, excited, overwhelmed, curious.

Naming your experience helps your brain organize it instead of getting swept away.

3. Look for “micro-joy.”

You don’t have to feel huge gratitude to benefit from small moments. Notice:

• sunlight on the floor

• a warm drink

• a kind message

• laughter in the next room

• quiet when you need it

These micro-moments build emotional resilience and help reduce holiday anxiety.

4. Create small boundaries.

You’re allowed to leave early. Take a walk. Say no to one event. Rest.

Healthy boundaries protect your energy and make the joy you do experience feel more genuine.

Cultivating Gratitude Without Forcing It

Gratitude is powerful, but it should never be used as a way to bypass your real feelings.

Try this approach instead:

• Notice something small that feels supportive: your breath, your body, a relationship, a memory, a moment of kindness.

• Let yourself feel just a little appreciation for it. No pressure.

• Then let your feelings expand naturally or not. Whatever happens is okay.

This is authentic gratitude, not performative gratitude. It’s grounding, not overwhelming.

A Final Thought: You Don’t Need to “Perfect” This Season

The holidays aren’t meant to be flawless. They’re meant to be real.

Messy. Emotional. Human.

The goal isn’t to feel joyful every moment - it’s to notice the moments of joy that appear naturally.

The goal isn’t to eliminate stress - it’s to support yourself through it with compassion.

The goal isn’t to feel only gratitude - it’s to make gentle space for whatever is true for you.

So if your holidays hold mixed feelings this year, let this be your reminder:

✨ You are not alone. You are not failing. You are simply human, navigating a complex season with courage and tenderness.

Wishing you warmth, grounding, and meaningful moments ahead,

Corinne