Taking things personally is one of the most common emotional patterns humans experience especially during the holidays, when expectations, old stories, and family dynamics can feel louder than usual.

If you’ve ever found yourself feeling hurt, rejected, or criticized by something small, you’re not “too much.” You’re not dramatic. You’re not failing.

You’re human.

And your body is doing its best to make sense of what’s happening.

Let’s break it down gently.

1. Taking Things Personally Is a Nervous System Response, Not a Character Flaw

When a comment, look, or tone hits a tender place, your nervous system often responds before your mind does.

This might look like:

• a tight chest

• tension in your stomach

• a sudden drop in mood

• the urge to defend yourself

• replaying the moment in your head

• withdrawing, shutting down, or getting quiet

In individual therapy, I often remind clients:

“Your body remembered something before your mind did.”

This reaction is usually tied to older experiences - times when criticism felt unsafe, connection was fragile, or you learned to monitor someone else’s mood to stay secure.

You’re not overreacting.

You’re reliving.

Awareness is the first step toward gentleness.

2. Family Dynamics Can Reactivate Old Patterns

Even clients who are grounded, regulated, and confident in their day-to-day life notice that holidays bring up:

• childhood roles

• unspoken expectations

• patterns of people-pleasing

• fear of being misunderstood

• sensitivity to tone or facial expressions

• worries about disappointing others

In relationship counseling, I often hear:

“I don’t feel this way with anyone else.”

Exactly.

Family has a unique way of touching the original blueprint of how we learned to relate.

3. You Can Create Space Between the Trigger and the Story

Here’s the most transformational practice:

Pause before deciding what their behavior means.

Instead of:

• “She thinks I’m irresponsible.”

• “He’s annoyed with me.”

• “They’re judging me.”

Try:

• “Something in me feels tender.”

• “My body thinks I’m being criticized.”

• “I’m activated not attacked.”

This shift creates spaciousness.

It lets your wiser, calmer self stay in the room.

4. Use a Regulating Question

Before responding, try asking yourself:

“Is this about me… or does this person have their own stress, exhaustion, or emotional load right now?”

Because truthfully:

• People snap when they’re overwhelmed.

• People get short when they’re anxious.

• People act distant when they’re dysregulated.

• People criticize when they’re carrying their own shame.

Most of the time, it’s not about you but your body hasn’t gotten the memo yet.

5. A Gentle Way to Respond in the Moment

You don’t have to shut down or defend yourself.

Try something softer:

• “I’m noticing I’m taking that personally - can we slow down?”

• “I want to understand what you meant.”

• “Can you say that again in a different way?”

• “I’m feeling tender - can we take a breath?”

These phrases protect connection without sacrificing your boundaries.

6. Practice Re-centering Yourself

A simple regulating practice I often use with clients:

1. Put a warm hand on your chest.

2. Take one slow breath in through your nose.

3. Exhale longer than your inhale.

4. Tell yourself:

   “I’m safe. I’m allowed to take my time.”

Your body responds to tone and pace, not logic.

7. If This Pattern Is Showing Up Everywhere, It’s Not a Failure, It’s Information

Sometimes taking things personally is a sign that:

• you’re emotionally stretched

• you’ve been in survival mode

• you’re people-pleasing

• you’re carrying old wounds

• you’re not feeling seen or supported

• you haven’t had enough rest or quiet

This is where individual counseling or couples counseling can be deeply grounding. We can explore what’s getting activated, what story your body is telling, and how to create more emotional space between stimulus and response.

For some clients integrating ketamine-assisted therapy, this work becomes even more powerful giving them access to deeper compassion and new internal narratives.

✨ Closing Reflection

What if this week you practiced just one thing:

When something stings, pause and check in with your body before deciding what it means.

This small shift can transform how you experience yourself, your relationships, and the holiday season.

If this topic resonates and you’d like support with emotional regulation, conflict patterns, or relational triggers, I’m here. You’re always welcome to reach out.