When Someone Pushes Your Buttons: How to Stay Connected to Yourself During Emotional Triggers

The holidays bring a mixture of joy, connection, nostalgia and let’s be honest - emotional complexity. Thanksgiving week especially has a way of placing us in situations where old histories, unresolved tensions, and familiar family dynamics rise to the surface.

Even with the best intentions, someone can say or do something that presses that button, and instantly your whole body reacts. Your chest tightens. Your mind races. Your stomach drops. You feel younger, smaller, or suddenly on the defensive.

As a Fort Lauderdale therapist who supports clients in relationship counseling, individual therapy, individual counseling, and ketamine-assisted therapy, I see this pattern unfold over and over:

We blame the button-pusher, when the deeper work is in healing the button.

This blog explores how to stay connected to your inner calm, take responsibility for your emotional reactions, and build the daily practices that help you stay grounded even when someone triggers you.

Why “Buttons” Feel So Intense

A button is not just a sensitive topic.

It’s an entry point into an unfinished emotional experience.

Buttons are formed from:

• old wounds

• unmet needs

• unresolved conflicts

• attachment injuries

• experiences that overwhelmed our emotional capacity at the time

So when someone pushes a button, the intensity you feel is not about this moment, it’s a resurfacing of the original emotional imprint.

This is why a small comment can feel like a big threat.

Your nervous system is reacting to old pain, not current danger.

Becoming aware of this is one of the most powerful steps in individual therapy or relationship counseling. It shifts the focus from:

“They made me feel this way.”

to

“Something in me needs attention right now.”

Taking Responsibility for Your Button (Without Blaming Yourself)

Responsibility does not mean fault.

Responsibility means response ability - the ability to stay present with yourself rather than handing all your power over to the trigger.

Instead of focusing on the person who provoked the reaction, try asking:

• What is happening inside me right now?

• Where do I feel this in my body?

• What need or fear is being touched?

• How old does this feeling feel?

• What part of me needs care or reassurance?

This process is the heart of emotional regulation and the core of growth in individual counseling.

When you shift from externalizing the problem to internal awareness, you reclaim your internal steadiness.

Staying Present Without Fight, Flight, or Flee

When your nervous system gets activated, it naturally wants to protect you. This often shows up as:

• snapping back

• shutting down

• withdrawing

• overexplaining

• defending yourself

• mentally checking out

These are protective strategies, not personality flaws.

The question becomes:

Can you stay present long enough to interrupt the automatic pattern?

Here are small, in-the-moment practices that help:

1. Slow your exhale

This signals safety to your body and reduces activation.

2. Ground into your senses

Feel your feet, notice temperature, take one slow sip of water.

3. Speak to yourself internally

Try: “I’m here with you. You’re allowed to take your time.”

4. Choose presence over reaction

A pause is not avoidance - it’s protection of your inner world.

Why Daily Practice Matters More Than Holiday Coping

Groundedness during the challenging moments doesn’t happen in the moment - it’s built slowly, through consistent care of your emotional landscape.

Think of it like strengthening a muscle.

If you only work on calming your nervous system when your buttons are pushed, you’ll feel overwhelmed. But when you tend to your inner world each day, your capacity expands.

Daily practices may include:

• journaling about your emotional triggers

• breathwork or grounding exercises

• mindfulness or meditation

• movement that helps your body discharge stress

• talking through patterns in individual therapy

• exploring deeper emotional blocks through ketamine-assisted therapy

• intentionally slowing down your stress response

• practicing self-compassion as a skill

The more time you spend supporting your internal world, the less often you’ll lose yourself when someone challenges your emotional balance.

Preparing for Thanksgiving (Or Any High-Intensity Gathering)

Here are a few reflective questions to help you prepare:

• What situations or people tend to activate me?

• What is my plan for staying connected to myself?

• Who can I text or call if I need grounding?

• How will I give myself permission to pause, step away, or breathe?

• What daily practices can I commit to this week to support my emotional capacity?

Remember:

Triggers don’t mean you’re broken - they mean a part of you is asking for care.

And when you respond with presence and compassion, you create more peace inside yourself, regardless of what’s happening around you.

If You Want Support in Healing Your Buttons

Whether you’re navigating relational patterns, emotional sensitivity, or deeper layers of anxiety and overwhelm, you don’t have to do it alone.

I help individuals and couples through:

• relationship counseling

• individual counseling

• ketamine-assisted therapy (KAP)

If you’d like support in regulating your nervous system, healing emotional triggers, or preparing for emotionally complex gatherings, you can schedule a consultation at any time using our online scheduler.