Have you ever wondered why you or your partner react so differently to stress, conflict, or uncertainty?

Maybe one of you tends to spiral into anxious thoughts, while the other seems to shut down or power through without pausing to feel. This dance—this mismatch—can feel confusing and frustrating, especially when it repeats over and over.

There’s a fascinating explanation that lies in our biology.

Researchers often refer to variations in the COMT gene as the Worrier and Warrior gene. It affects how we process dopamine, the brain’s feel-good chemical that helps regulate emotion, stress, and decision-making.

• Worriers tend to feel things deeply. They may process stress more slowly and carry it longer, making them more vulnerable to anxiety, emotional overwhelm, or overthinking. But they’re also often highly empathetic, sensitive, and thoughtful.

• Warriors can regulate stress quickly and stay cool under pressure. But sometimes, they bypass emotion altogether or struggle to attune to their partner’s feelings in the moment.

Neither style is wrong. They’re just different ways of moving through the world—both shaped by genes and by our lived experiences.

How This Plays Out in Relationships

When a Worrier and a Warrior partner up (which is very common), this can create cycles like:

🔁 One partner needing to talk it out now, while the other needs space.

🔁 One partner craving reassurance, while the other gets overwhelmed or shuts down.

🔁 One feeling "too much," the other accused of being "too distant."

Without awareness, both partners can feel misunderstood, unsafe, or unseen.

But when we start to understand our nervous systems—what we inherited, what we learned, and what we now carry—we open the door to so much more compassion.

You Are Not Locked Into Your DNA

Here’s the empowering part: just because your nervous system was shaped a certain way doesn’t mean you’re stuck. This is where epigenetics comes in.

Epigenetics is the science that reminds us: your choices, environment, and healing practices shape how your genes express themselves. So yes—therapy, mindfulness, rest, loving connection, ketamine-assisted work, and somatic practices can help you regulate differently.

You can:

• Learn to pause before reacting.

• Help your partner feel emotionally safe, even if you process differently.

• Understand what triggers your patterns—and choose a new response.

What’s Possible in Healing

In my therapy practice, I often sit with individuals and couples who feel trapped in these cycles—blaming themselves or their partner. But once we start understanding the deeper story beneath the reaction, there’s a shift. Shame softens. Compassion grows. Communication opens.

You don’t need to be fixed. You just need space to understand the ways your system learned to survive—and the tools to shape a new way forward.

💛 Whether you lean more toward Worrier or Warrior, your nervous system is beautifully human. And with awareness, you can learn how to connect in more secure, grounded, and loving ways.

Want to explore this more?

Let’s talk about how your biology and your relationship patterns may be connected—and how we can gently untangle them together.

📅 Schedule a free 10-min consult.

With care and curiosity,

Dr. Corinne Scholtz

Licensed Therapist | Couples Specialist | Ketamine-Assisted Psychotherapy Provider