Is Social Media Giving you a Serious Case of FOMO (Fear of Missing Out)?

Well, that all depends on your symptoms. When you scroll through your Facebook timeline do you find yourself feeling a tiny twinge of jealousy? Do you have a hard time “logging off” and “staying off” because you’re afraid you might miss something? Trust me, we’ve all been there! For better or for worse, social media is here to stay. That’s why at my Fort Lauderdale office, we like to share as many tools, tricks, and tips as we can to help our clients navigate the crazy minefield that is social media.

Never forget, we’re all faking it.

We are all guilty of putting our best selves on display online. Selfies are reserved for days when the sun, the moon, the stars, and our eyeliner is just right! No couple posts about the fight they got into over dinner, but we all love sharing the gushy anniversary photos with glistening bottles of fine wine and fancy desserts. It’s almost like all the little things that make up our days are the “raw footage.” We pick out special moments to share like our accounts are one big highlight reel.

Please Stop Comparing Yourself

I know it’s hard, but trust me, you are not doing yourself any favors. Comparing your life to your friend’s profile is basically the equivalent of comparing your raw and uncut footage to her highlight reel. That’s not fair anyone. Especially you!

What should I do if I’m feeling FOMO?

The truth is, usually when we feel bad about someone else “success” or “happiness” it’s probably a sign. For example, if we were in a session together, I would probably suggest we’d turn the spotlight onto you. It might surprise you, but chances are, you could be feeling sad because social media posts tend to remind us of the things we want, but don’t have. Something as simple as a new baby announcement could bring up painful feelings associated with your own struggles to start a family. Even a graduation picture or new position milestone can cause feelings of inadequacy about our own academic and professional achievements. Your newsfeed could literally be a minefield filled with emotional landmines about your body or your relationship.

Who said trying new things had to be intimidating? As long as it involves pushing yourself, changing yourself or your world, then it counts.

Here are 10 things you can try TODAY.

• Write a handwritten note to someone
• Print out photgraphs
• Spend an hour reading a book
• Introduce yourself to someone new
• Eat lunch outside
• Call someone you haven’t spoken to in a while
• Donate something you’re not using to charity
• Watch the sunrise or sunset
• Turn off your cell phone and computer
• Write down your goals

How to: Heal your Relationship and Yourself after a Fight

We can spend all day talking about healthy communication styles, but eventually, you and your partner will get into a fight! It’s inevitable. It might sound a little crazy, but one of the primary goals of marriage counseling is to learn how to have healthier fights.

The truth is, healing after a fight is possible; it just takes working at it. Together. But often times, our natural proclivity is to lash out and blame each other or retreat to our respective corners to lick our wounds in silence.

Let’s make a deal to try things differently. Not just for the good of the relationship, but for yourself! Repeat after me, “To heal after my next fight I will,”

Reflect:

You both need to take a minute to cool off. Arguments leave our bodies coursing with adrenaline and virtually shut off our rational brain. Give each other space to simmer down, regroup and reflect.

Evaluate:

See if you can evaluate the argument on your own. If you retrace your steps, can you pinpoint the root cause of the blow-up? Chances are, it’s never about the dishes or the laundry.

Be careful to not give your partner “too much space” though. There’s still an elephant in the room and waiting too long may send signals to your partner that you’re aloof, or even worse—you don’t care!

Remember, you’re both hurting. This is also the perfect time to be honest about any signs of abuse. We have the tendency to say things we don’t mean in the heat of the moment, but that doesn’t make emotional abuse any less valid.

Talk It Out:

Inevitably, you’ll have to chat and timing will be everything. Emotions may still be raw, meaning conditions are ripe for a rematch! Take it slowly. Start with “I feel phrases,” to share your concerns with your partner without blaming them.

You can also avoid ruffling feathers if you approach your partner with the intention to truly “understand” them. Chances are, somewhere during this whole fight, you may have made your own mistakes. Don’t wait for your partner to ask you for an apology or point it out in marriage counseling! Be proactive about owning your mistakes.

Reaffirm:

Reconnecting with your partner is an essential part of the healing process after an argument. The goal is to reaffirm your connection, love, and appreciation for each other. Get creative! Date night doesn’t have to break the bank! You’d be surprised how effective the simplicity of a handwritten card or love note can be.

We all know fighting is normal. If we have to do it anyway, why not learn how to get better at it? We can help! During couples therapy sessions, one of the skills we hone is how to have healthier fights! Call us for a consultation if you’d like to learn more.

Success takes time (not everything will be an ah-ha moment). When you look at others, it might seem like things changed overnight when in reality the transformation most likely took a looooong time.

Remember to be patient with yourself and always move toward your desires.

Redefining a “Successful Relationship”

After several years as an individual and couple’s therapist, there are a few things I’ve noticed we all have in common. When it comes to defining successful relationships, we’ve got it all wrong! Despite how much our friends and family members might love us and want the best for us, they don’t have all the answers. That’s why I think today’s blog topic is so critical. We’re going to take a radically different approach to successful relationships, so hold on tight!

What do we get wrong?

When we initially ask ourselves, “What does a successful relationship look like,” we tend to check off stereotypical boxes. For instance, you may catalog who broke the ice and said “I love you” first, at the beginning of your relationship. Partners in longer relationships tend to get hung up on who says “I love you” more as a marker for happiness and emotional security. Truthfully, we all get stuck playing mental games and frantically keep score over the most trivial things in an effort to feel a sense of love and validation. It’s completely normal. That being said, we aren’t doing ourselves any favors!

Refocus your Energy:

Instead of focusing more on “what” you want out of your relationship with your partner, try asking yourself “why,” you may want those things. For example, you could focus on how many date nights you want each month. But have you ever stopped to ask yourself, why you want to have scheduled date nights in the first place? What is the underlying unmet need you are trying to fill with a night of endless soup and salad at Olive Garden? I promise you, if you do some digging, you may be surprisedat what you find is hovering just below the surface.

In fact, I’m going to let you in on a little secret. Finding lasting satisfaction in your relationship seldom has to do with whether your partner helps out around the house or notices your new highlights. It all comes down to you! During marriage counseling sessions I stress the powerful link between self-awareness and a successful relationship. The real work here is defining what your personal needs are and empowering you with the tools to communicate them effectively, without making your partner responsible for your happiness. Radical right?

Are you ready to try something new?

Every year couples counseling gives hundreds of thousands of people the tools to have meaningful conversations that lay the foundation for long-lasting successful relationships. Before this year closes, I am personally inviting you to drop by our Fort Lauderdale office or book the appointment that will forever change the course of your relationship and your life. You deserve it

If the feeling of shaking things up makes you nervous, you’re not alone. While doing the same thing over and over may work at first, it doesn’t lead to much growth.

The best way to improve your life is to take risks and get out of your comfort zone.

If you’re looking for ways to step out of your comfort zone, here are my favorite tips.

😎 Start with small steps

😎 Say yes more, try something new

😎 Pay attention to the magic around you