What Is Gaslighting, and Why Does It Hurt So Much?

Gaslighting is a subtle yet deeply painful form of emotional manipulation. It causes you to doubt your memories, perception, or instincts—making you feel confused, unsteady, and unsure of what’s real.

It’s often not loud or aggressive. It can sound like:

• “You’re imagining things.”

• “That never happened.”

• “You always make a big deal out of nothing.”

• “You’re too sensitive.”

When someone repeatedly invalidates your experience like this, it chips away at your confidence, leaving you unsure of yourself—and sometimes even apologizing for things that weren’t your fault.

What Gaslighting Is Not

It’s important to clarify something:

Gaslighting is not the same as having a different opinion or memory.

In healthy relationships, people can (and do) remember things differently. That’s part of being human. The difference lies in how those differences are handled.

Healthy disagreement sounds like:

“I remember it differently, but I want to understand how it felt for you.”

Gaslighting sounds like:

“You’re wrong. That never happened. You always twist things.”

Gaslighting isn't just disagreement—it's a consistent pattern of invalidation that makes you question your own reality.

Could I Have Gaslit Someone?

This can be uncomfortable to consider, but it’s important for growth:

Sometimes we unintentionally gaslight others.

This often comes from our own discomfort—when we feel overwhelmed, defensive, or ashamed, we may say things that shut someone down, like:

• “That’s not what I meant—you’re overreacting.”

• “You’re making this a bigger deal than it is.”

• “I can’t deal with this right now.”

These statements don’t always come from a desire to control—but when repeated, they can harm others by invalidating their experience.

The good news? We can repair. We can pause, reflect, and say:

“I didn’t see it before, but I hear you now. I want to understand.”

That’s what builds safety and trust.

Rebuilding Trust in Yourself

One of the deepest wounds of gaslighting is the loss of self-trust.

You may find yourself asking:

• Am I being too sensitive?

• Did I make that up?

• Maybe I am the problem...

But here’s the truth:

💬 You’re not too sensitive.

💬 You didn’t imagine it.

💬 You’re not broken.

The healing process begins with giving yourself permission to believe what you felt and experienced. To say to yourself:

“What happened to me matters. My feelings are valid. My truth is worth honoring.”

🌿 Healing Starts With Reconnecting to Yourself

If you’ve been gaslit—especially over a long period of time—you may feel as though your inner compass has been dismantled. You second-guess your choices. You defer to others even when it doesn’t feel right. You apologize when you’re not sure what you did wrong.

This disconnection is not your fault.

It's a natural outcome of being in an environment where your reality was consistently questioned, minimized, or denied.

But here’s the empowering truth:

Your inner truth is not gone. It’s just been quieted. And you can return to it.

Reconnecting to yourself means:

• Learning to pause before apologizing—and asking, “Did I really do something wrong, or am I just afraid of being seen as difficult?”

• Noticing when you feel that familiar sense of confusion—and asking, “What do I believe is true right now?”

• Remembering that emotional safety isn’t the absence of conflict—it’s the presence of mutual respect and care.

It’s also about learning to listen again—to the parts of you that knew something was off. The part that hesitated before dismissing your feelings. The part that craved clarity, kindness, and truth.

That inner voice might be faint, but it’s still there.

And each time you choose to believe yourself, each time you honor your instincts, you get a little closer to yourself again.

This process takes time. It takes patience. And it’s not linear. But it is possible.

With support, you can:

• Begin to recognize emotional manipulation as it happens—not just after the fact.

• Learn to trust your gut without needing external confirmation.

• Feel more confident setting boundaries, even when it’s uncomfortable.

• Experience relationships where your voice is welcomed, not questioned.

Reconnection isn’t a return to who you were before—it’s becoming someone even stronger, more self-aware, and more whole.

You deserve relationships where you don’t have to shrink, explain, or prove.

You deserve to feel at home in yourself again.

When You’re Ready to Heal

Whether you've been gaslit by a partner, family member, or in childhood—or whether you’re realizing you’ve unintentionally dismissed someone else’s truth—healing is possible.

Therapy offers a space to sort through what was real, what was learned, and what no longer belongs in your life. It can help you rebuild your inner sense of truth and learn how to stay grounded when someone challenges your experience.

Let’s Reconnect You to You

If this message resonates with you, you’re not alone—and you don’t have to navigate this healing alone either.

➡️ Schedule a free consultation to begin the process of reconnecting with your truth, your boundaries, and your voice.

With warmth and care,

Dr. Corinne Scholtz