How many times have you found your attention wandering when listening to your husband or wife?
How many times have you nodded your head in understanding even though you may have missed the main point?
There is nothing wrong or irregular in this behavior. It happens to all of us, all the time. We may hear what another person is saying but unless we listen we can't comprehend what he or she is saying!
How do we learn to listen in our most important relationships? Listening can 'make or break' the quality of connection in our marriage and intimate relationships.
The first thing is to control your thoughts. You cannot be a good listener if you allow your thoughts to wander. This happens most often when some word or statement made by the speaker triggers your memory, and you drift off. Once you are aware you are drifting, try to pull your thoughts back, and refocus. This is not easy because the mind is a powerhouse!
How do you train your mind to focus to your partner? Practice! Try listening to something that maybe interests you, or maybe not. Let it run for a few minutes. If your mind loses track of what the speaker is saying, then restart the speech! Next, increase this time to ten minutes, and repeat the exercise.
You now need to repeat the exercise using a video, where the speaker waves his hands or stops for effect or rattles off sentences. You will find that very often these minor things send your mind on its own trip! You need to stop the mind from doing so. In other words, you must not allow yourself to be distracted by the dress, mannerisms or the activity going around the speaker.
You are now ready to listen to people in real life. Your mind will stay focused, and you will and that you are a better listener in your relationship with your husband, spouse, and significant other. Whatís more, you will find that better listeners are also better understood.
Being Understood Is A Major Part Of Maintaining Connection in our relationships! If you are finding yourself frustrated, feeling as though the conversation is going in circles, nothing is getting resolved, perhaps a lack of quality listening is to blame. In sessions with couples during virtual counseling at The Center of Connected Living - Fl with Dr. Corinne Scholtz, we explore the communication strengths and weaknesses of your marriage or couples relationship, and provide feedback for helping the two of you find a way forward.