Success takes time (not everything will be an ah-ha moment). When you look at others, it might seem like things changed overnight when in reality the transformation most likely took a looooong time.
Remember to be patient with yourself and always move toward your desires.
Redefining a “Successful Relationship”
After several years as an individual and couple’s therapist, there are a few things I’ve noticed we all have in common. When it comes to defining successful relationships, we’ve got it all wrong! Despite how much our friends and family members might love us and want the best for us, they don’t have all the answers. That’s why I think today's blog topic is so critical. We're going to take a radically different approach to successful relationships, so hold on tight!
What do we get wrong?
When we initially ask ourselves, "What does a successful relationship look like," we tend to check off stereotypical boxes. For instance, you may catalog who broke the ice and said “I love you” first, at the beginning of your relationship. Partners in longer relationships tend to get hung up on who says “I love you” more as a marker for happiness and emotional security. Truthfully, we all get stuck playing mental games and frantically keep score over the most trivial things in an effort to feel a sense of love and validation. It’s completely normal. That being said, we aren't doing ourselves any favors!
Refocus your Energy:
Instead of focusing more on “what” you want out of your relationship with your partner, try asking yourself “why,” you may want those things. For example, you could focus on how many date nights you want each month. But have you ever stopped to ask yourself, why you want to have scheduled date nights in the first place? What is the underlying unmet need you are trying to fill with a night of endless soup and salad at Olive Garden? I promise you, if you do some digging, you may be surprisedat what you find is hovering just below the surface.
In fact, I’m going to let you in on a little secret. Finding lasting satisfaction in your relationship seldom has to do with whether your partner helps out around the house or notices your new highlights. It all comes down to you! During marriage counseling sessions I stress the powerful link between self-awareness and a successful relationship. The real work here is defining what your personal needs are and empowering you with the tools to communicate them effectively, without making your partner responsible for your happiness. Radical right?
Are you ready to try something new?
Every year couples counseling gives hundreds of thousands of people the tools to have meaningful conversations that lay the foundation for long-lasting successful relationships. Before this year closes, I am personally inviting you to drop by our Fort Lauderdale office or book the appointment that will forever change the course of your relationship and your life. You deserve it